This text is part of my ongoing reflection on self-awareness, emotional patterns, and conscious growth.
These days, the term ‘influencers’ is an established name and we have welcomed them with open arms. But where did this all come from and who has been influencing us all along? Long before Instagram accounts and sponsored posts even existed, we were all more or less influenced by the same entity: the news.
A decade ago I found myself in the biggest downward spiral of my life. Everything I did seemed to push me further into depression and I felt desperate at times. I had a fulltime job so there was not much time to think about it. After work I would feel completely drained and I would lock myself in my apartment and hope for better days.
One of these evenings I had just made myself dinner and I was looking forward to devour my dish on the couch, watching tv. I turned on the tv around 19:30 pm and it was time for the evening news. I used to really enjoy watching the news in the morning before I would head to work. I guess I thought I liked the feeling of being informed. And so there I was enjoying my meal on the sofa until the news portrayed an image of a drowned toddler on a beach in Turkey. No warning, no nothing. Suddenly it was there, on my screen. The image still sits in my memory as if I saw it only yesterday.
I don’t know exactly why but it made me cry relentlessly. No longer able to chew my food I wept for a long time. Who chose to show this news item around dinner time and why? What a horrible image!
I just looked it up on the internet and it was an item from September 2nd 2015 and that day on the 2nd of September 2015 was the last time I watched the news.
For me it was the first time I started questioning the whole purpose of watching the news. Was I helping anyone by staying informed on topics I had zero influence on and how does this work? The image I saw that day was very upsetting to me and it dawned on me that I couldn’t even do anything to change what I had witnessed. It made me feel inadequate and it seemed to attach itself to all the negative feelings that were already present inside me. In other words, watching the news kept my negative thought loops running whilst I was trying so hard to clear my mind from all this noise. Watching the news transformed my empathy into pain.
Now, ten years later, I haven’t missed watching the news and I don’t feel that this choice has diminished my contribution to the world in any way. In fact the opposite seems to be the case. If I have learnt anything during these past ten years it is that all change comes from within. Big or small. Internal or external. It all starts within. Watching the news actually dimmed my light and it affirmed my overall disappointment in the world.
And I can’t help but wonder, is that what we want for ourselves?
Are these the feelings that are going to help us or others around us?
Are these the feelings that will help the current European situation with refugees? Are negative emotions going to bring us the change we actually aim for?
Looking back after analyzing myself for years I would say that it is exactly this type of feelings that have always held me back. I have found that whenever you preserve negative emotions, you tend to attract more of it in your life. Whenever you feel angry, you attract anger. Whenever you feel sad, you attract sadness. So why was I actively attracting more of this and why are so many people still doing this to themselves?
These feelings of sadness, anger, powerlessness and disappointment have led me down the path of deep depression. These feelings never have a good outcome once we hold on to them. We are supposed to feel these feelings and then let them go. But because the news is an ongoing daily thing, people tend to linger in these feelings too long. And we see it on a daily basis all around us. Take the climate issue for an example. I’m not saying we should not care about these topics, but it seems to me that people who hold on to this helpless feeling towards climate change are the ones that are angry. Angry at other people, overwhelmed by a possible future.
All of the sudden ordinary people feel the need to ruin other people’s property all for the sake of a news item. But does change work this way? Can you change another person by attacking their private plane or vacation villa? Honestly, I don’t think you can and thus all it is doing is making people more angry.
It seems to me that these people are portraying themselves as victims of someone else’s behavior.
And so they blame and attack people, all based on these items. All because news items keep people in a perpetual state of negativity. And they start acting upon this information. They believe the news item justifies their behavior towards other people, but really all it does is distract them from their personal pain. And thus they are no longer keen on fixing their own problems, because they turn their lens towards “bigger” problems. Their minds are preoccupied with other people’s issues and it turns their focus away from themselves.
Whenever I become aware of the fact that I am holding on to a negative emotion (anger, jealousy, self-hatred, resentment etc.) I like to think of one of the little coatracks in my mind, this one in particular: “Be the energy you want to attract”. It is one of the quotes I try to live by. So what does this mean in this particular situation?
For me it works as follows. If I want harmony between people, I need harmony in my own social circle. If I want a better climate perspective, I need to start picking up garbage I see alongside of the roads and in nature. If I want to feel lighter in my brain, I need to declutter my house. As you can see it all starts with me. I’m trying to uphold the energy I want to see in my life. Even before it arrives.
This automatically implies that the new me can no longer watch the news. Because the news is upsetting to me and the last thing I want for myself is to create a future upsetting environment.
Instead of turning my empathy into pain, I want to alchemize my empathy for the greater good.
I want to radiate and inspire others.
So, no more news for me, no more diminishing myself for external causes that are not under my direct influence.
Of course I understand that this particular situation would be more relevant for compassionate people like me, but I am writing this piece for you so you can think about what it is doing to your life. We rarely take the time to think about topics that are globally accepted as “normal behavior” and with this text I invite you to not only think about these habits, but to make healthy decisions based on your ponderings.
And of course this is just an example of a habit that was keeping me in a loop. For you it could be entirely different. Sometimes it is the little things or the background noise that is keeping you small. I am encouraging you to evaluate yourself and slowly but steadily you will create the life and matching mindset that you deserve.
I disengaged from watching the news, but I do not condemn it. I use discernment to protect my nervous system. Empathy, for me, works best when feelings can move through my body, instead of accumulating through constant stimulation.
This text is an open reflection.
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“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”
