This text is part of my ongoing reflection on self-awareness, emotional patterns, and conscious growth.
Words are so much more powerful than we realize. We speak them (semi-) automatically but one sentence can change a person’s life. Think about that and about single sentences that have changed your life. We use our language every day but we rarely take the time to actually hear what we are saying.
Especially in challenging situations we barely realize the spells leaving our lips. When you’re tired and your children are demanding it can be hard to create time for them. When you find yourself in an important phone call and your child is singing in the background it can be easy to say something like “please shut up, it sounds horrible”. But what does such a sentence do to your child?
When I was young someone called me out on my button nose. To the person joking about it to me it probably meant nothing. Maybe the other child wasn’t having a good day. But what it did to me, well, I took it with me for years and years. My whole childhood I have spent trying to press my button nose down. I even thought about having plastic surgery for this supposedly horrible nose of mine.
It took me years to gain awareness on this matter.
Later in life I realised that most people who have nose surgery actually want their noses to end up looking like mine. Now I know that it was complete and utter bullshit. Yes, maybe I do have a bit of a button nose, but it doesn’t say anything about the looks of it or how I should feel about it.
Looking back I understand that I was a scared and insecure child and thus I had immediately assumed that a button nose was a joke, an ugly excuse for a nose and that I needed to change it in order for me to ever feel beautiful. But the actual change needed to come from the inside. It came from awareness.
Now that I am older I understand that people’s opinions shouldn’t have any effect on my days, let alone years.
Part of the whole spell is the fact that I had accepted it as a spell.
I took one single remark and made it true. Because when it was said, I was in a lower emotional state. It felt to me like an attack and instead of questioning it, I let myself be overwhelmed by emotions. And those emotions have popped up for years whenever something triggered me. On days where I didn’t feel beautiful I would be more aware of my nose situation. It would put me down, I would feel ugly. And I was doing it all in my own head. I had made it real and I kept believing it for years.
I know it can be hard to be mindful of your words throughout each day, but I am only trying to expand my awareness. The thing is, whatever you send out, you will receive. So being mindful of your words isn’t just great for others, it’s great for you too.
And on the receiving end. Don’t believe everything people tell you. People project their own state of mind. Just because someone is having a shit day, it doesn’t mean that they get a free pass to ruin yours. Think about when you say ugly things to other people. Usually it means that you yourself are in a bad state of mind. Usually it is your own impatience, anger, jealousy etc. that you are expressing to others, as if it’s their fault, but really it’s to clear the air within.
You are lashing out from within because something is poisoning your own mind.
The delicate thing here is that you usually burn down the people you love the most. So whenever a situation like this occurs, you tend to express yourself towards your loved ones. But the tricky thing about it is that it will hurt them deeper. That is when they are not aware of the whole symbiosis of course. Because you have a personal relationship with them, people tend to take things you say personal as well.
Isn’t it weird how you can all of the sudden scream at your mother only to head out to the supermarket after and treat everyone with a smile. It’s easier to keep your composure to strangers, but the sad reality remains that all your venom is usually directed to the people you love dearly. And that is why I am an advocate for awareness. Because once you spit out your venom there is no way back. It’s now out there in the frequency realms. And alas, it means it is heading back to you.
Like I said earlier, whatever you send out, you will receive. So try to be more mindful of your words. Start with trying to gain more awareness of your overall moods and see what comes out of you. Actually start listening to yourself. Because you are the only person that can change you and it makes you 100% responsible, on the giving- and receiving end.
This does not mean that I aim to be aware of every word leaving my lips, but aware of my overall inner state – not to silence my language, but to soften it.
If you would like to read more about this topic I would highly recommend reading the book: The four agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.
This text is an open reflection.
More guided, integrative essays are gathered in my paid essay series on Ko-fi.
“Be mindful when it comes to your words. A string of some that don’t mean much to you may stick with someone for a lifetime.”
