This text is part of my ongoing reflection on self-awareness, emotional patterns, and conscious growth.
Of all people I know what it is like to feel down. And when we feel down, we tend to project our insecurities upon others around us. It is a natural kind of cause and effect and it is inevitable. Think about it. Have you ever heard a genuinely happy person speak poorly about other people?
Probably not. Because happiness is found within. A truly happy person does not focus on others, they focus on themselves. They are not trying to bring someone down, they are trying to lift themselves up. A person that is becoming more and more aware will start to listen better. Not just listening to others, but listening to themselves. They are constantly thinking “who am I?” and “how can I change for the better?”.
But the fact remains that many people walking this planet are projecting their fears and insecurities upon us.
And it might be time to pay attention to who is actually speaking. Because I have found that insecure people all say the same things. Once you notice this, you start collecting evidence to build your foundation of truth.
Ask yourself, who is actively pushing mental disorders on people that they supposedly love? What kind of mother speaks poorly about their children? What kind of parent lowers others’ expectations of their children? What kind of person continues to slander their loved-ones behind their backs? The answer is quite simple and I have said it before: insecure, unhappy people.
But why? Unhappy people do not have control over their own inner world. Not one bit. They are listening to voices in their minds, telling them that they are not worthy, or others are not worthy. They spend their days comparing everyone around them, turning life into a competition.
They are convinced that there is only one winner in this story and they will do anything to try to gain some control.
But the voices are loud, and if seen as their inner truth, these voices aren’t going anywhere. Insecure people will believe anything that enters their mind. And thus they try to gain control outside of their own minds. By pushing other people down, they feel some sort of temporary relief.
These voices are up to no good. They will tell you anything relating to the ugly thought spectrum. You are not good enough. They are not good enough. You are ugly. She is ugly. He is ugly and so on. And it can go on like this all day long for the rest of your life. Until you make a decision. And this decision is very basic. You choose you.
Even if you do not know how, by declaring to choose yourself, your pathway will unfold.
I’m not saying it is easy, but I am living proof that it can be done. I know this because I once lived from that same place. I supposedly suffered from bipolar disorder and the medicinal trial that was placed upon me threw me into the abyss of dark thoughts. I hated myself and everyone around me. I became a venomous snake, snapping at everyone, especially my loved-ones.
Until I made a decision. I started listening to myself and I did not like what I heard. And then, I started listening to others and yet again, I did not like what I heard. The amount of unconscious behavior people display is mindboggling to me. Honestly, at times it just makes me laugh. But, back then, I needed to train myself into awareness of these dynamics. It was not easily done. My self-hate was deeply rooted into my system, due to unawareness and programming by the people around me.
But I kept going. Each and every day I tried to gain more awareness, discerning my way through all the venom while building a new, truthful narrative. And I over-spoke many times. Often times I was triggered into saying things that were not coming from my heart.
And instead of hating myself and others around me,
I started hating and actively fighting my voices. I simply did not agree to them.
I think I am a beautiful person, and I see beauty in others too. And now the beauty I find in others no longer intimidates me. Instead, it inspires me to find even more beauty within. Because I have been digging up my self-worth for over a decade and with it I have lost the need to compare myself to others. My strength is now found within and I no longer need external validation.
I mean, why would you ever look for confirmation from people who are speaking poorly about other people when you can build your own confirmation? By showing up for yourself and yourself alone. To insecure people this might sound selfish, but the opposite seems true. Bettering yourself is the best thing you can do for others, because it naturally ripples outward. And next to that, by being the best version of yourself, you create more to give.
A happy person is full of energy. And this energy can be shared.
Unhappy people share their doubts, worries and fears. Is that what we want for the world? I don’t think so. I want to live in a world where people discern between people who are in constant competition and self-led people. Because when we first discern who is actually speaking, we no longer unconsciously drag in a load of poison.
So, start paying attention. Look who’s talking! And only after you have discernment about the person in front of you, you will take on information accordingly. Many people have spoken poorly behind my back. It is so easy to bring someone down who has been diagnosed with a mental disorder. But I am here to tell you that I no longer identify with this diagnosis. I am me and I now know my worth. My mood swings arrived after a great period of confusion. One where the people that were supposed to love me were actively trying to bring me down.
I am a kind and loving person,
but I made a huge mistake by trusting everyone around me.
I had to build my discernment up from the ground, because I have been misled my whole life. Please do not make the same mistake as I have. I believe in you. I believe in me. Never doubt yourself for people who doubt themselves. Never dim your light for people who are afraid to shine. Never mute your love for people who are filled with hate.
Find your self-worth through discernment and leave all bullshit behind. Because when you lose everything around you, it was probably fake to begin with. And only after ridding yourself of all the fakery, will you find your true tribe. I am right now still in this process, but I have found that on the other end of this decision and implementation lies an energy that attracts the right kind of people.
And slowly but surely I am headed towards peace.
Are you coming with me?
This text is an open reflection.
More guided, integrative essays are gathered in my paid essay series on Ko-fi.
“When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”
