This text is part of my ongoing reflection on self-awareness, emotional patterns, and conscious growth.
As children we learn that there are monsters under our beds, monsters in the dark. As an adult I have found monsters closer to home, hidden in plain sight, in broad daylight. And these are the monsters we should actually fear. But we rarely notice them, because they do not resemble the monsters that we were taught about. And maybe monsters taught us about these supposed monsters. To confuse us and to make us think twice before ever doubting the narrative. For me, that realization started at home.
In all my years I have never found a monster under my bed. The people who taught me about it ended up being the actual monsters. And I have witnessed this type of programming in different layers. Our parents were the ones warning us about monsters in the dark, when in my case, my parents were the actual monsters. We know from biblical texts that evil rarely presents itself as something frightening. Lucifer is described as beautiful, persuasive and deceptive.
Perhaps that is the greatest misunderstanding of all: monsters do not look like monsters.
The same goes for my parents. To you they might look like the ordinary Jim and Jane, but under the surface they are led by the exact frequencies that create monsters. They were driven by self-pity, self-doubt and insecurity. Those emotions led them to compare themselves with others–even their children. And it turned them into monsters. Low frequency emotions are supposed to flow. You are supposed to look ‘em in the eye and then transform yourself in order to never experience the same things. But when you choose to focus on others instead of alchemizing your own trauma, you will become a monster. Because holding on to negative emotions is how monsters are made.
To me, a monster is not defined by appearance,
but by repeated behavior that destroys rather than nurtures.
Years later, another layer revealed itself. During the Covid-19 years my sister drew my attention towards supposed monsters: evil elites, secret societies and global conspiracies. I followed that trail for some time, led to believe that evil had to exist somewhere far away, hidden behind closed doors. If such organizations truly existed, I wondered whether traces of them could also be found within my own family. That question led me to dig into the family history.
Ironically, while I was searching for monsters in distant places, I overlooked the ones closest to me. My search through old family photographs and documents revealed symbols, handwritten notes and patterns that caught my attention. Whether meaningful or not, they forced me to look at my own family through a completely different lens. These supposed secret societies were not hidden under my bed, they were lying to my face. And then one day I received another hint. One where my mother, out of nowhere, pointed towards a membership at a cult, with my father being the member.
Oh how they love to disclose confusion upon me. So I kept it silent as you well know me. I just moved on, because I did not see a way for me to obtain more information and I did not want to get stuck on negative frequencies. I have learned that happiness is found within and thus I decided that I did not require information to obtain truth, I just needed to keep following my own purpose.
Until lately when I was in a situation that forced me to move back to my mother’s house. I moved there and within one day, I started feeling horrible. No more energy, completely depleted and stuck on the couch all day. It made me wonder. Who are these people and why is it that around them I feel like absolute shit? I knew I had to leave as the situation in the house was very confusing to me.
It’s hard to fathom your mother being a monster when all you ever did was love her.
After I left, bits and pieces fell into place. Information landed within my own mind and one of these insights led me to search for old documents on my phone. I had received them previously but never paid much attention to what was actually written on them. Guided by my intuition, I googled “what do witches’ spells look like” and I found images eerily resembling the papers that I had at hand.
And then it hit me. They had been actively pointing me towards the monster under the bed all along. They had me confused and looking into monsters overseas when in fact it was their behavior that I should have studied.
Maybe it was stupid of me to believe people for their words,
but it was around this time that I found out that it is better to act dumb
whilst listening very closely to what these people were actually saying to me.
All of a sudden I remembered a time where my sister opened a package right in front of me. Inside this package were two voodoo dolls. Back then my gullible self did not take notice because I would never dare to question my older sister. I would never dare to question her because she programmed me in this way. When I was younger she would force me to do things for her, such as buying cigarettes or massaging her head. If I did not feel like it, I would get punished. She would hit me with the remote control or whatever force that she felt was an appropriate means to her ends. I’m writing this for you to see how twisted their ways are and how she programmed me to look up to her, by using force upon her younger sister.
And so I never questioned them.
I never questioned the people around me, because I was programmed to feel smaller.
I was programmed to believe them and listen to them. And once I started seeing the energies around me for what they really were, their little show came to an end. And as soon as I decided to see them for who they are, memories started popping up like wildflowers. One after another, revealing the horrible patterns behind their behavior throughout the years.
Truth reveals itself like an onion, one layer at a time.
I have always known this to be true. And yet it took me over a decade to grasp the notion that monsters were not just under my bed, they were talking to me on a regular basis. Sending me confusing information and all sorts of distractions to keep me off track. And so I hid my newfound insights and chose to study their behavior in order for me to obtain more information. It was a scary time. I was living inside the devil’s house, knowing that they were attacking me on a daily basis.
And because I woke up to the fact that the monsters were in my house,
their ways became very transparent.
There was no way for me to deny any of these truths. It was them making me feel sick and it was them who hated me. They are stuck in their family system and they do not want any of us to escape it. Because when we do, truths land. When we do, we break the generational curse. In other words, the truth makes them look like idiots. Because this family of mine has been circling me like sharks for decades, only because I do not match their frequency and it scares them.
Well.. I don’t care. I don’t care for their small world. I don’t care for their shady ways. I have found myself to be my own best friend and I am leading myself out of these unhealthy practices. And so I write about them. To warn you about the monsters that are looking straight at you. Not the monsters under the bed, but the ones that act like they love you when secretly ganging up on you.
So, if you have been feeling drained for most of your life,
it might be time to change your perspective.
Look closer. Because only when you completely rid yourself of these energies and entities stuck to them, will you create space for the divine frequency to land in your reality.
I am still in the midst of this journey, but even without all the answers, I can already feel an enormous weight lifting from my shoulders. Now I am no longer in self-proclaimed competition with the people around me, and it is creating rest and space for truth to land and for me to keep following my purpose.
And I welcome you to follow along.
Author’s note:
This essay focuses on the patterns that shaped my life. Like all relationships, my family was not made up of only darkness or only light. My parents also loved me in ways they knew how, and I will never deny those moments. The experiences highlighted here were intentionally chosen because, together, they reveal the recurring patterns that ultimately changed my perspective.
This text is an open reflection.
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