This text is part of my ongoing reflection on self-awareness, emotional patterns, and conscious growth.
If you look into the Rose Lineage online you will find names attached to this such as Mary Magdalene, Mother Mary, Isis and Joan of Arc. It speaks about a spiritual path dedicated to the sacred feminine and divine devotion. After reading a book about Mary Magdalene’s life, I could not help but see parallels with my own life.
These women were wise beyond their time and they were judged for it throughout their lives.
It’s funny because I think when people meet me, they think of me more like a daisy. I have a bright appearance and I look gullible and people probably think they can easily step all over me. And so many do. The thing is, I am misunderstood. If you were to compare me to a flower, it would have to be the rose. At first glance my appearance is soft and kind, just like the petals and the head of the rose. But when people try to hold on to me, they start feeling my sturdy stem and its prickly thorns. And that is exactly the moment when manipulation begins and people start to play games with me.
The sturdy stem in this story stands for my ability to trigger your reflection.
It is simply who I am. I am a mirror for you to see yourself, but in many people, it triggers their insecurities. And it seems that a lot of people do not actually want to reflect on themselves. They say they do, but their actions demonstrate the same behavior over and over. They appear to be stuck in their own narratives and because I force them to look at themselves, they start seeing me as an adversary. They do not tell me this of course, but it shows in their demeanor.
I am a highly intuitive empath and I can sense when something is off. A jealous glance or a provoking question, been there, done that. It tells me that they have encountered my stem and are not capable of holding on to my thorns (which in reality is the mirror of their own insecurities and character). And so the silent abuse begins. I can tell you from personal experience that it has been very confusing to me.
There are people who are supposedly loving me,
but they are harming me with every chance they get.
Because they cannot or do not want to meet me at my level, they will actively try to pull me to theirs. And it can look like pushing me to party, pushing me to use drugs and skip nights of sleep. It can look like chaos to create confusion. It can look like lust, in order to lure me into fornication. It can also be a covert remark such as “you are so beautiful”, whilst the jealous glance is showing their true nature. And because I did party a lot during my lifetime, I can understand that there were people who actually thought they succeeded. But there is a difference.
The difference is that I do these things for fun and for the experience of it. I am not using drugs or partying to cover my emotions. I am not running from my feelings. Partying is not one of my coping mechanisms. And that is because I can look my pain in the eyes, soberly. I can forgive people for things they did to me that made no sense.
Because I do everything for me and my wellbeing.
I forgive people and I move on.
And I do not need anyone’s permission. I ride with the Most High and He is my only guidance at this point in time. But in order for me to get to where I am now, I needed many people to show me deception, to teach me humility, to drain my energy in order for me to actually want to take a stand for it. And so I did. Over time, I gained more and more self-awareness and with it came a huge sense of relief. The more I started enforcing my boundaries, the more people showed me their true nature.
They did not love the whole rose,
they just wanted to pick petals of the flower.
I started denying them access to the petals by standing my ground, even in the smallest things. And it triggered many people. And I expelled many people from my life. One after the other. Until I reached the point where I had isolated myself with my partner. But the discrepant feelings did not go away and it opened my eyes to the energies present within my own home. And I left.
Then I went to my mother’s house. And there, I felt drained too. By this time I had learnt to trust my intuition and feelings and it became evident that the energies in my childhood home were not embracing me at all. I confronted my mother but she would not even think about holding my stem. And so I left, again.
After this, I felt lonely for a while.
Inside my mind was all this clarity,
but my surroundings were not matching up one bit.
I searched for refuge at my oldest brother’s house and it was the first time in a long time that I actually felt good. I felt welcome and loved and my brother was not afraid to hold on to my stem. He listened and we talked about all these dynamics and patterns that kept our family in a loop. We spoke about how some of the people in our family just never seemed to change. And it is literally the strangest thing to me. I mean, look around. Everything in nature changes constantly.
Right now, I find myself in complete isolation.
I am at a new location, somewhere I had not been before and it is just me and the dogs that I’m taking care of. And I feel good. Of course, from time to time I cry my heart out. I miss my animals and at times I can doubt my decisions, but it never lasts. One quick reminder of all the fakery I was surrounded by for such a long time gets me right back on track and I will open my Bible and comfort myself with the nurturing words of the divine.
And so I would like to thank each and everyone around me for testing me, annoying me, belittling me. For speaking behind my back, for trying to silence me and all other things that constitute some form of manipulation. I would like to thank my family for performing witchcraft and voodoo on me. I would like to thank my ex-partners for refusing to grow with me. I would like to thank everyone who lured me into satanic frequencies such as partying and using drugs. Because they were all instrumental in my journey to discovering who I am.
Thank you for misunderstanding me.
Thank you for showing me your insecurities and for giving me the strength to leave you behind. You are not worth my time and effort. You are not showing me any progress. I am here to teach people about love and God and in all your efforts to break me down, I found motivation. I found discipline. I found inspiration. And now, I am ready to discern everyone I meet in the future according to my newfound standards.
If you are not with God, I do not want you in my life anyway. I want to live my life to the fullest, be the best version of myself that I can be. Yes, I have stepped into darkness many times, but I have seen for myself that there is no happiness to be found there. Good luck with your superficial narratives. Good luck trampling daisies and accidentally stepping on roses.
I am a proud self-proclaimed member of the Rose Lineage
and like so many brave women before me,
I will keep walking in my purpose.
I stand tall because all your efforts led me to my self-discovery. And I have found that I am a kind person who does everything from a place of love. If I have left you behind, it means that I have loved you. But I have also learned that love without discernment becomes self-abandonment. And that is where I draw the line.
From now on, I will protect my light with the armor of God, because I have finally learned its true worth.
This text is an open reflection.
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“Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.”
Proverbs 4:23, KJV
